I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
