There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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