I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
