you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
