Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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