I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
