i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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