jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
bring money and cleavage
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
