rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
