3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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