paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
