I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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