i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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