so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize