Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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