Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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