Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
