Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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