you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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