is wine microwaveable?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
