Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
