thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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