I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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