I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
