Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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