Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
