I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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