i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
