you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
