yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
