I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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