I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The Olympian is in my bed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
