Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
