In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
