tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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