I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
