I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
