i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
