I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
