If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
