I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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