you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
