considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
