Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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