I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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