Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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