I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
