She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
