I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
