Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
