Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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