if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish you could order shots online.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize