last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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