She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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