Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
