So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
