It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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