Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
