I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
