oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
