If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
