I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am naked and annoyed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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