Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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