remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
