well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
