Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
