The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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