In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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