I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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