She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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