he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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