there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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