Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
