I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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