I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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