I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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