shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
