Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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