actually, I'm a sock model
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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