she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
