my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
