if you like me you must not know who I am
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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