You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
