you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
