I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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